


Communication

by Chychyd



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Recovery, Speech Disorders, Speech impediment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 18:54:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10497399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chychyd/pseuds/Chychyd
Summary: Steve and Bucky are both learning how to deal with the aftermath of Hydra, and learning to heal from it. Not all days are bad, and sometimes the bad days can bring good surprises.





	

Bucky really tries to communicate, he does. And he knows it’s not Steve’s fault that he doesn’t know things and it’s selfish of Bucky to assume he knows everything, because of _course he wouldn’t_. Bucky disappeared for seventy goddamned years and came back a whole new person.

So of course, Steve wouldn’t know things like the smell of bleach makes him nauseous. or loud animals scare him and he is afraid of quiet animals too because he can’t stand the thought of it sneaking up on him and _oh god what if he hurts it_ because the last thing in the whole world Bucky wants to do is hurt another innocent being for the rest of his life.

He wouldn’t know that bright lights give him a headache or that every time a door slams he has to listen for footsteps coming towards him. And if they are he will hide in any available space he can find.

And Bucky doesn’t know why he does it. Why he hides and cowards away at the first sign of conflict. He’s bigger than that.

He knows he has to communicate these things to Steve. Steve has been his savior, but he’s not a mind reader, however much Bucky wishes he was.

Part of the problem is, though; he doesn’t always know what he does and doesn’t like. He has learned, the hard way, that there are things he reacts negatively to.

But when Steve, his best guy, his sunshine and a literal god if Bucky were to ever believe in one again, asks him what he wants??? He doesn’t know.

But Steve can read the signs. He can see the wild look in Bucky’s eyes when he’s overwhelmed. Like he’s just been pinned into a corner and can hardly breathe, let alone express what he does or doesn’t want. Or the fact that he has no fucking clue what that is.

“How about we just order in, yeah? I’ll just get a couple of different things and you can decide what you like out of those. No big deal.”

Bucky can feel his shoulders relax, the tight breath leave his lungs. He might have given an almost-smile and a minute nod but he was focused too much on controlling his heartbeat and the light ringing in his ears to really know. Either way, it was good enough for Steve.

Steve knows that the problem lies further than Bucky not wanting to speak, or that it is hard for him to get his thoughts together. Sometimes, he just can’t. Physically can’t get the words out.

The doctors explained it in a whole bunch of technical terms that just pissed Bucky off. Made him think they were trying to hide something from him. But Sam explained it better. Told him this was all part of the recovery process. Somewhere in Bucky’s head, his brain doesn’t want to work with his mouth because of all the jumbling Hydra did to his head. So sometimes the words come out wrong, or not at all.

Sometimes Bucky can’t get more than a word or two out if he’s nervous.

Other times he can. Steve likes those times, but he can tell Bucky likes them even more.

Not all days are good days, but that’s okay too.

“I w-want…” Bucky’s eyebrows were furrowed for a minute, attempting to get the words to flow. “Noo-noodles. Noodles! I I want nooodles from….”

“That Chinese place off 43rd?” Steve asked gently. Not wanting to interrupt but more trying to prompt.

Bucky nodded his head excitedly. “Yes.” He answered with a smile.

God, that was good. That was very very good. Especially for a bad day, that was good. Which meant Bucky was getting better. Steve wanted to wiggle and dance and squeal like a little girl at times like this. But he settled for a proud smile instead.

Dialing the number on his phone, Steve gave Bucky a big kiss on the top of his head as he passed the couch.

Bucky smiled to himself at the win.

\--

“Steve.” Steve jolted lightly in his seat at his desk. It had been a few days since he’d heard Bucky speak, and he hadn’t even noticed the man walked in the room.

“Yeah, Buck. What’s up?” He asked, swiveling around so he could see Bucky.

He was chewing on his lip and breathing in even deep breathes. Steve knew that meant he is really trying to say something on his mind.

“I don’t- don’t llike…” Bucky took a deep breath and rushed out, “body wash.”

“You don’t like using body wash?” Steve asked confused. “Would you rather have bar-”

Bucky shook his head quickly, squeezing his eyes together tightly. He rocked on his heels a bit before tapping his nose.

“The smell.” He corrected. “I-I want a new smell.”

Steve smiled widely and let out a breath. “Okay. Do you want to go to the store with me this time? Pick this one out with me?”

Bucky looked scared at the suggestion, his eyes going wide, adams apple visibly bobbing. His eyes searched for nothing in particular, waiting for the answer to leave his mouth. Finally, after a moment he nodded. “Yeah.” He answered simply.

Steve stood up from his chair, work long forgotten. “Awesome.” He breathed, draping his arms around Bucky’s shoulders. “I’ll be happy to have the company.” He placed a tender kiss on Bucky’s lips.

A happy noise left Bucky’s throat. One thing Bucky was grateful for was that even though words had trouble leaving his mouth, other noises Steve stirs up doesn’t usually have that same defect.

Steve buried his face into the soft crook of Bucky’s neck. He inhaled his scent deeply. Steve liked the body wash. But if Bucky wanted something different, he sure as hell wasn’t going to deny him. Especially when he took the effort to approach Steve and get a full sentence out about it.

That also makes Steve wonder just how much Bucky dislikes this body wash…

“Can you tell me,” Steve asked carefully. “What you don’t like about this one?” He lightly kissed the soft skin. “It’s fine if you can’t.” He added quickly.

Bucky sighed and thought for a moment. “Too... strong.” He gripped Steve’s bicep for emphasis.

Steve hummed in response. He understood it. Steve has learned since Bucky coming back home with him that his boyfriend has a sensitivity to strong smells. He should have thought about that with the body wash. It was the one Steve always had bought, but he should have been more careful.

“Not.. y-your fault.” Bucky mumbled, as if reading Steve’s mind, and pulled Steve a little closer to him.

\--

This was bad. So so bad, Steve thought as he closed the door behind Bucky as the older man stormed into the house.

It was supposed to be a nice evening out. Just the two of them. A nice, quiet stroll through town after the crowd had died down. It was nice out, Bucky was even in a good mood.

And then this had to happen.

“Bucky,” Steve whined for what was probably the millionth time tonight. “Bucky please just listen to me.”

“No.” Bucky snatched his arm away from where Steve was grabbing for it. “N-No you listen to me, Rogers!” Steve stopped short at the full sentence, barely a mess up. “I am tired of listening. You, you neeed to listen to me.” Steve recognized the gleam in Bucky’s eyes. He hasn’t seen it in a long time. This kind of heat. Not something Steve has seen since his Winter Soldier days. It wasn’t a scary look though. Passionate, maybe.

“I-I know that I talk funny. ‘Nd knnow I get sc-cared, but damnit! I’m not a fuckin’… Doll, Steve!”

“Bucky I didn’t-”

“If-if I wanna.. stick up for y-you. Wanna show.. I love you… you can’t stop me!”

They stood staring at each other for a moment. Both speechless. It was the most Steve had heard Bucky say since his recovery began.

Most of the time, bad days had bad results. But this, this wasn’t just any discomfort. It wasn’t anxiety or depression. This was fueled by love. Red hot and steaming, rage fueled by love.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Bucky. I wasn’t trying to stop you, I swear.”

“But that is e-exactly what you did. I can do this. Sseee?” He pointed at his mouth and crossed his arms. His body language was almost childish. If he stomped his foot he’d all but be throwing a tantrum. But Steve knew by his face he was serious.

“Yeah.” Steve breathed, letting his head hang a little. He will admit, he knows he shelters Bucky. Hides him more than he should. He tries too hard, he knows. But he just wants what’s best- what easiest, for Bucky.

Bucky let out a small huff of air. There was silence in the air again, tempers simmering. Silently, Bucky reached for Steve, gently pulling him into an embrace.

“I’m sorry I-I yelled.” Bucky murmured into Steve.

“Honestly, it was kind of nice to hear. I didn’t realize you getting jealous would have that kind of reaction.” Steve only half joked. The full sentences were definitely nice to hear, the anger, not so much.

 Bucky made an offended noise and pulled away. “I was n-not jealous.”

“Baby, if that was not jealously, I don’t know what is.”

Bucky didn’t reply, only tucked his face back into Steve’s shoulder.

“I’m glad you’re getting better. You’ve been working so hard to improve you, I forget I need to work on it too. I can’t be bringing you down when you’re working so hard to get better.”

“You’re n-not bringinging me down. Ok-kay, I did get… jealous. But I just wanted to tell ‘er to b-back off. You’ve got to, got to give me a chance. You know I don’t take themm often. Sometimes…” Bucky was quiet for a long moment. “Sometimes it’s like y-you're ashhamed.”

“No! No Bucky I would never be ashamed. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable, is all!” Steve insisted.

“I-I know. Jus’ let me t-talk sometimes. O-okay?” Steve nodded his head. “Good.” Bucky pecked his lips.

“You’re doin’ real good Buck. You don’t understand how proud I am of you.” Steve returned Bucky’s kiss. “I’m sorry if I don’t show it.”

A warm hum left Bucky’s throat as he went in for another kiss. “W-w-why don’t you shhow me?”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up and a smirk rose on his face.

Another win indeed.


End file.
